*Note it helps to listen to some music I suggest: All or nothing (not for the music but the meaning), and perhaps "in my life" by the beetles.
These past three weeks have been... well. what can I say... A living hell? Its hard to explain how I feel at this point because I don't know what went wrong. I went back to my old ways of being sweet (with a little off color joke every now and again), caring, always wanting whats best for us, and more importantly knowing whats really important. I have decided that the thing I want most in the entire world, is the old Taylor Lee Brown I fell in love with last winter/spring. I remember that we always thought of the other first, we always had each others best interest in mind and I think that is why we flourished so well. I loved it when the worst of our problems was not being able to see each other. Even when I was to blame it wasn't because we lacked compassion it was because we had so much. I know that I drove you to this point and I think I could have permanently destroyed this relationship by not talking to you about our problems and trying to spend time away from you without talking to you about it. I'll take the blame for everything. I know you don't feel bad and I know you don't feel sorry for me when you say some of the things you do to me. I just hope you understand that I wouldn't have stuck it out this long if I didn't believe what we had before was real. I want to be that guy from the movies you have always wanted, even if its jonah hill, I want to be myself but the self that you fell in love with. You are the world to me and I don't know what to do. I'm lost in a turbulent sea with nothing to keep me afloat save the hopes that started this relationship in the beginning. Please take time to think about where you want this to go as I have. I know that we are both young and both have a ton of things to accomplish in our lives. I know you think my interests are stupid. I know you think that you want to be able to be free to date whomever without me to tie you down. I know that I want to be able to pursue my interests without ever having to hide them from you or lie to you. To that I say remember the day I came home from Minnesota. I knew that in that moment I had waited for something amazing. I may not be the most mature person on the planet (even my grandparents tell me every day that I'm incompetent) but there are a few things I understand pretty well. One is that no relationship built on lies and half truths and no trust will ever go the distance. I want this relationship to go the distance. Even if it means struggling with you through college, struggling with you through my years of graduate school, and biting and scratching our way to whatever goal we could have in the future, I know that there is no one else that I'd rather do it with than you. You were once my best friend, you were my confidant, my trustee, as I was yours. I want to go back to those days.
Forever yours,
Haden James Goebel
TL;DR- I love you lets rekindle what should have never died out.
